Navigating missteps: A leader’s guide to messing up and moving on
“But what if I say the wrong thing?” Is one of the most asked questions I get from executives doing the work to become accessible and inclusive employers. And it’s a fair question! As a transgender, disabled, and neurodivergent professional, I know how easy it is to use terms we don’t realize are harmful when addressing diverse audiences.
I’m Amy (they/them), an accessible communications consultant with just over a decade’s experience working within various organizations helping them create, refine, and publish accessible campaigns for richly diverse audiences. Today we’re reviewing what to do when you mess up when speaking to and about people with disabilities.
Making mistakes is part of the learning process.
The first thing to remember when learning new language (and indeed, unlearning old language), is to acknowledge that mistakes are a foundational aspect of the learning process. Dr. Karen Taylor writes that “making mistakes is a normal, inevitable and even fertile part of learning.” She goes further to explain that when we try to understand our mistakes and why we made them, we use this information to develop new strategies for learning. We are developing metacognitive awareness, a crucial tool for changing behaviours and ways of seeing.
So while we don’t want to intentionally cause harm or make mistakes when engaging with disabled employees and colleagues, making mistakes in some capacity is likely, and understanding this is the first step in navigating through moments of miscommunication, mistakes, or insensitivity.
Take accountability and apologize.
Renowned Black activist and poet Nikki Giovanni writes: “Mistakes are a fact of life. It is the response to the error that counts.” When a misstep does occur, taking swift and sincere accountability is paramount.
Apologizing is not a sign of weakness but rather a demonstration of strength and integrity. Randy Pausch, Carnegie Mellon professor and alumnus, shares in his Last Lecture the three components of a real apology:
1) What I did was wrong.
“I’m sorry I used that term. I recognize it’s offensive due to its history and impact on disabled people. It was unacceptable and I sincerely apologize”
2) I feel badly that I hurt you.
“I feel badly that I hurt you. It wasn’t my intention to cause harm and I regret it.”
3) How do I make this better?
“I am committed to learning and doing better. I will not use this term again. Is there anything I can do to make amends?”
Pausch’s real apology humbly acknowledges the harm caused, takes full accountability for causing said harm, and ends on an opportunity to engage in growth and development.
Rather than dwelling on past mistakes, use them as catalysts for personal and professional development. Reflect on the incident with humility and an open mind, seeking to understand the root causes and underlying biases that may have contributed to the error.
Moving forward
Ultimately, the key to moving forward after a misstep lies in a genuine commitment to do better. This involves not only learning from past mistakes but also actively seeking to create a more inclusive and supportive environment for disabled staff and community. Listen to the feedback and experiences of those directly affected by your actions, and use their insights to inform future decisions and behaviours.
Leaders are not immune to making mistakes, especially when it comes to unlearning long-used terms in favour of more accessible and inclusive language. However, by navigating mistakes with humility, taking accountability, and committing to continuous learning and improvement, we can navigate through moments of misstep with grace and resilience. Creating workplaces where everyone feels valued, respected, and empowered to thrive, including people with disabilities, starts with how we speak to one another.
Amy Lippett (they/them) is an accessible communications and marketing professional with over a decade of experience creating and developing impactful and accessible campaigns for a broad range of social, governmental, and academic institutions and businesses. They enthusiastically search for innovative approaches to foster meaningful connections, and implement strategies to increase company capacity for accessible communications. As a queer, trans, and disabled communicator, Amy understands that space for mindful connection can be found in storytelling, and so strives to amplify marginalized voices through their work.